My coming of age as an educator in China - Meet a Question Master - The full story from the Speech Competition.

Note: This story is from earlier this fall before Thanksgiving. These entries were taken directly from my journal. Journey with me on a crazy week of my fall semester where I was being constantly reminded of my own weakness and of His great strength.  

If you receive my postal mail newsletters, parts of this story will be familiar to you. If you do not currently receive those newsletters and you would like to, please message me your contact information. Much love, Lora

Tuesday

Tuesday morning: My team leader, Lauren, received call the dean of the English department, requesting that I judge a speech competition on Saturday.

                                I knew, that whatever plans I’d had for a relaxing weekend and a weekend of preparing for classes and visiting former students would soon be changed. Typically students request us to judge competitions, not the dean. It was my first clue that this was a big deal.

Throughout the day of Tuesday there was much discussion between the leaders in our city, and the school about who would be available to judge the competition on Saturday. The competition was a provincial level speech competition. The need was for an international female to serve as a Question Master. The teacher who had served as Question Master last year was busy with an all day long meeting on Saturday (as were all the other more experienced and higher ranking teachers).

Tuesday night: It was decided that I would in fact be the Question Master, but I would need to meet our dean and our dean’s boss Wednesday morning to discuss details. They were concerned (as was I) that I would be missing the day-long training on Friday since I teach two classes on Fridays.

Wednesday

Wednesday morning: I met the dean and her boss. Both eyed me with what looked like doubts of if I could in fact be a good representative for their school.

                Throughout all of this, I’m feeling a lot of pressure because I keep hearing how this competition is such a big deal. I’m being told that I will help my school gain face and I will help the relationship between ELIC and our school. … All I can keep thinking is about the time I was supposed to be helping build guanxi (relationship) with some businessmen for a friend and I accidentally gave all the businessmen bad luck because I failed at tearing the paper on the pot of fish head soup. (I don’t really think that gave them bad luck, but their faces said I had and I don’t forget that!) I know the teacher who was Question Master last year, she’s very intelligent, she’s experienced (over 5 years in China) and she’s well respected … those are big shoes to fill.

                Moreover, I’d only met the dean once before at a different speech competition where I judged. I currently do not teach classes in her English department so neither of us really knew each other.

                During the meeting, I’m informed that the school will not reschedule my classes so I can attend the training. Instead, my dean’s boss will wait to leave with me immediately following my evening class. My class dismisses at 6:00. I would leave directly from the classroom to drive with him to the train station where we would rush to catch the train to DaQing. DaQing is about  2 hours away by train. We would arrive around 9:30 pm and we would hope to arrive at the hotel by 10:00 pm. After we arrived at the hotel, I would be given the regulations for the event and I would be expected to self-study and be prepared by morning. All of this was followed with my favorite phrase, “Okay?” … As if saying no was an option.

Wednesday – Thursday – Classes wise, I have a lot to plan for in the next few weeks. This week is my final class with my Sophomores, their final is next week. I am also preparing to begin having about seven 30 minute long consultations each week with my post-graduate students so they can do their homework assignments. So, my workspace became covered in post-it notes filled with to-do lists and reminders. I needed to get as much finished before Friday morning as possible, because I wasn’t sure when we would return to Harbin on Sunday.

Friday

9:00 am – Make up midterm exam with a student

10:00 am– 12:00 pm– Class

12:15 pm– 2:15 pm–  (Interesting) Lunch with a teacher … This is another story for another day.

2:15 pm– 3:00 pm– Finish organizing and preparing things for the evening / weekend.

3:00 pm– 3:30 pm– Try to lay down to rest. This was interrupted with a call from another boss requesting that I pull a favor that I think is unethical for one of my students. … So much for rest.

4:00 pm– 6:00 pm– Class

6:08 pm – Receive call from dean’s boss asking where I was because we needed to leave. (I was on the last flight of stairs.)

6:10 pm – 7:20 pm – Rush to train station. Stop at KFC for him to buy me almost everything on the menu for my supper including coffee #1 of the weekend. In the train station, there are rarely open seats so we stood along the wall while he handed me different parts of my meal (he’d ate before he picked me up). I felt like a circus display because many people in the train station watched me scarfing down my meal because the dean’s boss seemed to be very anxious that we were going to miss the train. He was taking care of all the paperwork so he had my ticket and never told me what train we were on or the departure or arrival times. (Basically, here I’m only informed of details they find necessary, which are often different than the details I’m used to having.)

7:20 pm – We begin to board the train. It is standing room only. (Remember I don’t have my ticket, so I have no idea what seat I’m assigned to.) I try my best to stay directly behind my dean’s boss, but if you’ve ever waded through a sea of people, you’ll know this is difficult for even the most skilled. We do get separated, but only after we’re on the train. He points to the seat I’ll be in and I weave my way down the aisle to the seat.

9:30 pm – My dean’s boss gets up and tells me it is time for us to go. (They don’t announce the stops on the train, you just have to know when to stand up and stand next to the door.) I gather my things and we stand next to the exit.

9:35 pm – We’re greeted by two nice ladies who guide us to a van. They talk happily to him in Chinese. I sit quietly, resting my eyes in the darkness of the ride to the hotel, sensing that there is a long night ahead. I’m already feeling tired at this point because it’s been a full day of being present with people. Yet, the coffee in my system (I don’t drink coffee on a regular basis.) has my body feeling awake.

Around 10:00 pm  - We arrive at the hotel. A camera man greets us and takes our mug shots. The ladies check us into our hotel rooms. During this time, I learn they work at the university in DaQing where the competition will be held. They escort us to our rooms. Informing us that breakfast will be at 6:30 am and the competition will begin at 8:00 am at the school. I keep wondering when they will give me information about my job. I’d heard that the questions would need to be related to the students’ speeches so I would need to read the speeches in advance. As they leave me at my room, they inform me they will check to see if I can receive the speeches tonight and they may return later.

                Within minutes, there is a knock at my door. One of the ladies and now an older gentleman with his little hotel slippers on and a notebook and bag in his hand are standing at my door. I invite them in. They play with my thermostat (because the room was sitting at about 60 degrees even though the thermostat said about 78 degrees), the lady offers me hot water (which I decline), but she fills my hot water kettle in the bathroom anyways and sets it to boil. She then leaves.

                There were no chairs in the hotel room, so I offer the gentleman a seat on one of the beds. He hands me the bag containing two textbooks (gifts from the company that is hosting the competition). He fidgets nervously with the notebook as he apologizes for the way I’m receiving the information about the competition. He tells me the other Question Master (they have one international male and one international female serve as a team) is unavailable to meet since I’ve arrived so late. He comments about how the other Question Master is much older (and has a look on his face that he doubts I’m old enough to be a teacher).

He explains that I should read each speech and write a different question for each contestant. He opens up the notebook. It’s filled with 56 speeches, each about 1 page long (3 minutes spoken). After a few more instructions, and many apologies he decides it is okay for him to leave.

                During this whole process I am trying my best to be optimistic. To have a mei shi （没事儿）(doesn’t matter) attitude about how this is a lot of work to expect me to do this late at night. All the while he’s apologizing, what I really wanted to say is, “Okay, I get the point. Now can you leave so I can begin to work because my eyes already feel so tired. They’re burning from exhausting and second hand smoke. You’ve just given me 56 pages of text to read, decipher and ask a meaningful, clear, concise question that can be answered by a student in their second language in only one minute.

10:22 pm – The gentleman leaves.

10:23 pm – I call one of my teammates almost in tears because I’m completely overwhelmed and know there’s absolutely no way I can accomplish the feat I’ve been given in my own strength.

                All week the team had tried their best to support me in what lied ahead. We’d hoped I would receive the speeches electronically before the weekend so we could divide and conquer the question drafting.

We talked for a few minutes. She encouraged me that He does provide strength and that He is present and He knew I’d be in this place at this time. We talked with Papa together asking for Him to give me clarity of thought, to be able to skim the speeches quickly to know the main idea and to think of a good question quickly. After talking with her, another teammate also asked how I was doing and we talked with Papa together as well. She stayed on the phone with me for a while so I could have her input on some of the first questions I was writing. I had not judged the school level of this competition, so I wasn’t sure what level questions should be written at.

10:30 pm – Saturday, 1:30 am – I work for hours skimming the speeches. About speech #11 I’m already to notice phrases, ideas and sometimes entire paragraphs that are hauntingly similar to each other. I’m annoyed by the phrase: “… will sparks collide out…”What does that even mean?!?  I drink cup after cup of hot water to try to warm up and to stay awake. My eyes by the end feel so worn out I don’t feel like I can read another speech. I end the night on speech #28. Setting my alarm for 5:00 am, I prepare for bed.

Saturday

1:30 am – 2:00 am – I can’t sleep because I know that at the foot of my bed sits a stack of unread speeches that must be read between 5:00 am – 6:30 am (also leaving time to shower and get dressed). In order to process through some thoughts, I decide to journal some. I considered sharing part of that journal entry, but I’ve decided not to, because the attitude it displays is not reflective of Grace. I send a text message to my team asking for them to be interceding for me because I know I’m in over my head. As I again turn out the light, I ask Papa for rest. For Him to help me feel warm under the extra blanket I’ve now placed on the bed and for Him to help my brain to just rest in Him.

                Throughout this whole night, I found myself slipping back into the high school debater of yesteryear. The feeling I had before big tournaments when we’ve have to leave the house at 4 am.

2:00 am – 5:00 am – SLEEP!

5:20 am – After pressing snooze once (or twice) I do get up and decide to shower first to wake up for the day.

6:00 am – A teammate calls to make sure I’m up and to check in. She encourages me that He is present.

6:30 am – 6:45 am – I eat breakfast at the table with my dean’s boss. I feel sick to my stomach because I don’t typically get up that early … and I generally prefer to get more than three hours of sleep. He tells me we will in fact be checking out of the hotel at 7:19 am (I don’t know why the time was so specific.)

                Good to know, because the previous information I’d had was that we would stay Saturday night in DaQing and we would take a train home to Harbin Sunday morning.

6:45 am – 7:15 am – I write several more questions for speeches and gather my bags. I had to bring my things from teaching class so I had more things than the Chinese teachers … yes I felt some perceived judgment.

7:15 am – I’m rushed out to the bus and we leave the hotel within in minutes in route to the school.

7:30 am – We arrive at the school. The first thing I hear said about me is, “Huh!?! Ta shi liuxiusheng or waijiao?” “她是留学生，外教？” The deans from the other school try to intersect me following my dean’s boss as he’s entering the judge’s lounge.

                I know I should be used to it by now, but it does still get to me when I can tell someone is doubting my ability to do a job because they think I’m too young. I knew the meaning of their question was them asking my dean’s boss if he’d brought an international student instead of a foreign teacher. … Sometimes I wish they’d just include my age when they sign me up for jobs so they could get the shock factor out when I don’t have to see it.

My dean’s boss says I am in fact a teacher so they allow me to enter the judge’s lounge. Here it’s clear to me that they all know each other, but I don’t know any of them. I can tell some are ranked higher than others, but I don’t know who is higher, who is lower, why or what I should be doing. I do as I’m told and I take a seat on the couch and begin observing.

7:45 am – The gentleman from the night before comes in and tells me to bring all my things because I will meet the other question master who is much older than me (thanks for the reminder). I’m brought into the large auditorium partially filled with students and perhaps some teachers. On the stage are two podiums (one in the center and one left of center). Just inside the door is a table with two microphones. I’m introduced to Tracy. He is a teacher in DaQing, originally from North Carolina (I later learn he is 55 years old, has lived in China for 4 years, he has been a question master previously.) We agree that he will ask the first question for the odd numbered contestants, and I will be first for the even numbered contestants.

 8:00 am – The competition begins with opening speeches. Both Tracy and I listen to some, clap when appropriate (when others clap) and meanwhile are glancing through the speech in front of us brainstorming a question. I learn that Tracy had seen the notebook on Friday, but they’d forgotten to give it to him until Saturday morning. So, in fact, I was actually ahead of him in having questions prepared for the day.

8:00 am – 5:30 pm - The competition lasts all day. After the first five contestants, the judges leave to discuss how they were grading. No one said anything to Tracy and I about our questions so I took that to mean proceed as normal. As the competition progresses, I start to really enjoy it. (Around question #19 I start to get a little nervous that my questions will start to not make sense because the status of my brain when I was writing them. As the day wore on we had a break around 10:30 am where one of the deans basically forces me to drink a cup of coffee (Cup #2 of the weekend).

After lunch, tired really started to set in. That feeling of tired, when you know you’re just staring off into space, but you aren’t really seeing anything. Some students had to ask me to repeat myself. I never know if it’s because my speech was unclear, wording was too difficult, or if they just can’t believe I’m asking them that type of question. During breaks some students would tell me my questions were very difficult and everyone was afraid of my questions. They wanted to know where my ideas come from and what I expect in their answers. I assured them that my speeches come directly from their speeches (often I would quote their own words) and basically ask them to explain what they’d previously asserted. Or, I would find an inconsistency in their speech and ask them a question where they needed to choose one opinion to support since their ideas were mutually exclusive. It was fun because it reminded me of doing cross-examination in debate.

Some of the deans congratulated me throughout the day on the caliber of my questions because they want the students to be forced to think critically.
This encouraged me a lot!

5:30 pm – 5:50 pm – Picture time – Awards are given and pictures are taken. I was touched by how committed these students are to learning. I was inspired by how the deans who judged were willing to give their Saturday to intently listen to a foreign language for an entire day. I was exhausted, I can only imagine how they felt. (As Question Master, I only had to ask the questions, I wasn’t grading the students’ answers.)

6:00 pm – 7:00 pm – The judges and leaders of the school in DaQing invite Tracy and I to join them for a big dinner. This is the first time I’ve attended a banquet’esque type meal for a school without my team. I waited to be told where I should sit. The dean from another school in Harbin who by this time has become my favorite dean from among the judges instructed me that I should sit one seat away from the smokers. (Why I liked this dean: He was sarcastic … not a popular characteristic in Chinese people … and he had made a point throughout the day to occasionally translate some of the judges’ conversations that were happening in Chinese so I could feel like I was part of their community. He was also the one who praised my work as a Question Master the most.) This placed me in probably the most honored seat at our table. The president of the university in DaQing sat in the most honored seat at the other table.

As I looked around the table, I was proud.

I was looking at the faces of educators who cared deeply about the futures of their students and their country. I was looking at people who knew the importance of being able to think. Their eyes were tired. Some almost fell asleep before the food came. They had endured a day in their second language because they had a passion for education (or because it was their job or their role to do so).

Throughout the dinner, my favorite dean provided our entertainment. Some of their conversations took place in Chinese, with the deans near me occasionally providing a little translation so I could follow. My favorite dean joked that he was thinking of a song that was called Lora…. Quite glad he never thought of one … He also would say questions I’d asked students that he remembered were very good even when the students’ overlooked the meaning of the question.

For example:

·         “Can people have a greater impact while they are alive or after they are dead?” – Asked in response to a student asserting in her speech that both Confucius and Socrates had a greater impact after they’d died. – The student’s answer was, “Of course, while they are alive. … After they are dead, they can do no more.” – During the competition this caused my favorite dean to literally throw his hands up in the air in surprise, causing those who understood why to laugh.

·         “What would the world be like if there was no more technology?” – He liked this because it provided many options for the student to choose.

·         “If Confucius was a student in a class Socrates taught today, how would Confucius act?”

·         “If Confucius and Socrates were co-teachers and planned a lesson together, what is an example of an activity they would do?”

Toasts were made in celebration.

By the end of the dinner, in some ways I felt I’d earned my place in this community of educators.

I was no longer the liuxuesheng （留学生）posing as a teacher （外教）.

I hope that the work I did over the weekend does bring face to our university and that it will positively impact the relationship ELIC has with our school. As I’ve mentioned, my age, or lack thereof, is a source of insecurity for me. Perhaps because in this culture, it’s acceptable for people to comment on one’s age. I am reminded of Paul’s reminder to Timothy that he should not allow others to look down upon him in his youth. In many ways, I feel I can relate better with students than with teachers and especially deans, because I am closer to my student’s ages. This year, I actually teach some students who are older than me.

Above all, I’m grateful.

I’m grateful that we serve a Papa who is present, even when we aren’t. 

I’m grateful that He is our source of strength, when alone we’re just a ball of wax with a string. 

I’m grateful that He is good, that He is a Father who sees and a Father who cares. 

I’m grateful for the five cups of coffee they gave me over the course of 24 hours, even though I feel I need to detox for several days. 

I’m grateful that we have been given the ability to think and to reason. 

I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to ask questions that will possibly spur some to think more deeply. I know some of the questions have already encouraged me to ask more questions. 

I’m grateful that I did debate in high school so that the job came easier this weekend. 

I’m grateful that we don’t do life alone. 

I’m grateful that we are part of a Body that desires to support, to encourage and to lift us up when we fall down. 

I’m grateful that I can be here, even when it’s difficult.

I’m grateful for the perspective Papa brings when we ask Him.

I’m grateful that while I listened to 56 speeches, many that questioned if we can ever know truth or experience our dreams, that I can rest in confidence that Truth does exist and desires to be known!

I’m grateful for people like you, who understand that as part of the Body we can learn from one another and we can encourage and spur one another as we seek to know Truth.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Count your many blessings name them one by one... the old hymn rings through my head as our Thanksgiving week winds down. I could list pages and pages of things I'm thankful for, however, I'll list a few. In my room I have a "Thankfulness Tree" that I wake up to each morning and I'm reminded of the many blessings I've been given.

 

I'm thankful for...                                                    

... clean water to drink.

... Papa's Grace while I am undeserving.

... Smiles and Laughs!

... the 350 students I've been entrusted with this semester, the 120 students I had last year and the students I'll have in the future. I'm grateful that each of them have a story.

... family.

... friends around the globe.

... the opportunity to live in close community, to experience His Body.

... music.

... the way our friends clap on all different beats and meters when they make a joyful noise for Papa.

... language (or lack thereof). 

... kids.

... heat in buildings.

... easy-peel Mandarin Oranges. (Yes, they do have them here!)

... His forgiveness.

... the ability to feel pain and to know joy.

... El Roi and the way He listens and responds.

... His character and His desire to be KNOWN.

... YOU!

Please enjoy the video from our Thanksgiving Celebration on Monday. It was very special to host these students and some of my teammates in my home. It's our privilege to see how Papa is ALIVE here! The song my student plays is apparently a popular Chinese song from last year.

We have so much to be thankful for! 

 

If the embedded video doesn't play, the video can also be accessed here.

Finding perspective in the haze.

When all you see is smoke...

           

                I squint to look at my students as they sit in the haze that has seemed to encompass the entire room. They sit hunched over their midterm examinations struggling to remember things we learned during this quarter. Today I taught them the phrase, “It’s just not my day.” Because it hasn't been my day. In fact, I've had a few of those days recently. Perhaps you have also.
                The past few days everything has been a sort of smoky haze. No one is really sure what’s causing it. I've included a picture of the view from my window taken on different days this fall. The picture in the top left corner was taken yesterday afternoon after things had cleared up some. Before it cleared, it was impossible to even see the ground looking from 11th floor or to see another building. (Today it was even harder to see while we were actually walking outside. Many of my students didn't even come to class.) I don’t share these pictures for you to think, “Poor them ... I could never live there...” So, if this is your thought and you fail to at least attempt to see another perspective, it feels like you’ll have missed the point.
                Today I've been reminded of the time when Father led his people with a cloud by day. I don’t know what the cloud looked like, I don’t know if it smelled, tasted or if it made it so they couldn't see but a few feet in front of them. Honestly, I don’t think I've ever given it much thought before now. I wonder if sometimes he does protect us with His cloud. He helps us to see only what’s needed so we’ll stay with Him in the present and we’ll trust Him with the future. 

How do you handle things when it feels like you’re walking through the smoky cloud and you can’t see the future clearly?

                Thank you for your pr’s and support. This month is bringing me to my knees and it's nice to have company there! We're all looking forward in Hope that the rain will come soon to help the smoke to settle. In the meantime, while I sit inside it gives me more time for introspection which is strangely helping bring perspective.

Begin with the end in mind.

Begin with the end in mind.

I remember this phrase was reiterated during training last year. This year as I am again preparing to teach courses I’ve never had before I am reminding myself of the statement’s value. I remember last year during the middle of the semester when it hit me- I have to grade these guys!

How do I grade them?

How do I evaluate their learning?

What have they been learning?

What have I been teaching?

Feel overwhelmed, I did! I still do!!

So, I told myself I’d be different this year! I would begin with the end in mind. I had hoped to know what I would be teaching and a little about my student’s level and interests before I met them on the first day of class. Suffice it to say, that didn’t really happen. So here I am sitting, struggling over what direction to take the courses and what I should do for lessons on Monday. I’m feeling the pressure! 

This semester I am teaching all non-English majors. Some of my students have English levels that allow us to have extended conversations, others I can’t even get to speak to me. They are studying all different majors (ranging from law, finance, and virtual reality to underwater acoustics, mechanical engineering and topics they don’t even know how to say in English). Thus, their interests and motivations for learning English vary also. I had hoped this semester I would have smaller class sizes. 

I honestly don’t know how many students I actually have because the class rosters haven’t been set by the school yet. The school told me the students can kind of choose the section of the class they want to be in (aka shop for their teacher from among all the foreign teachers) within the first few weeks of school, then the school will give me a roster. 

So for now,  I have a list of the names of the people who decided to come to my classes for the first week. We’ll see who chooses to come this week!

I’m not sure if you’ve ever taught a class before or if you’ve ever been given an almost blank slate that includes a textbook with over-expressive British speakers that sound a little too enthusiastic and asked to prepare a class for a large, mixed levels class. If you have, perhaps you can empathize with my present situation. Or perhaps you’ll look at me and wonder what the problem is and why it is Saturday night and I don’t have a plan for class on Monday. For those of you in the later camp, let me try to explain.

It’s not that I’ve been ignoring the need to make these executive teacher decisions. I’ve been thinking about them a lot. Possibly too much! I’ve been watching video clips to choose ones appropriate to use in class and I’ve been working on creating meaningful homework assignments. But, then I pause, sit back and ask myself if it’s actually doable. 

Do I actually have 600 minutes to listen to students’ video or audio files of conversations in the first quarter alone? Not to mention second quarter!

Can I actually expect my students to look up these video clips online and to come prepared to discuss them?

And, how the heck am I going to grade all these students?

I know I shouldn’t get hung up on the fact that I have only 8 weeks with about 120 of my students. The school wants to utilize our foreigner-ness so, for my post-graduate classes I will only teach the students for 8 weeks, then I will teach a new group of students for the remaining 8 weeks. 

Begin with the end in mind.

You know, I think that’s what Papa did. He began with the end in mind. He knew the choices we would make that would break His heart. He knew the costs that lied ahead when He gave us the ability to make decisions. He knew how special it would be when we decided to return to Him.

Begin with the end in mind.

There is a feeling of urgency as I prepare these courses. For the post-graduate course I have only 8 weeks with these students. One week has already passed and the last week will be devoted to their final examination. So, we’re left with only six weeks. 

I want my students to learn in this course.

I want them to grow.

I want them to ask questions, to find answers and to ask more questions.

I want them to be challenged to think critically.

I want them to grow in their confidence.

Most importantly I want them to know Love and Grace.

With only six weeks and about 40 students in each class it doesn’t provide a lot of time for me to have one-on-one conversations to really hear from each of the students. I also feel like there’s not a lot of room for failure or flopped activities.

For example, the homework assignment I’ve designed to be worth 10% of their total class grade necessitates that I assign and explain the assignment this week and each week a group presents their assignment for a grade. I’ve never done an assignment like this, so I’m nervous that if it flops or it happens to challenge them too much there’s not a lot of extra time to regroup and to change direction.

Begin with the end in mind.

How do you begin with the end in mind?

I'll close with a poem I think I'm going to be using as part of my homework assignments this year. Perhaps it speaks more eloquently the thoughts I've just spewed out.

 

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost

The value of friendship. How this summer is exceeding my expectations.

Expectations - Exceeded.

Before coming back to America for the summer I thought a lot about what my expectations should be. I considered what parts of readjustment would be easy and what would be difficult. I thought about how sweet it would be to hold my niece again, to hug my friends, but also about how it might be awkward seeing some people who I had had minimal interaction with during the year. It's true a lot happens when you're living overseas, but what I think we overlook sometimes is how much is really happening here on the day-to-day home-front.

As summer is drawing to a close, I'm glad it's tough to say good-bye. It means that by Papa's grace I still have relationships with people in America. It does make it bitter sweet though. I truly appreciate the time I have had to meet with folks, to share stories, to listen to stories and to marvel about the incredible nature of Papa. Feeling blessed.

Now I'm beginning my final weeks in America for the year. I look into the future and I can easily start to stress about all the work that comes August 19th and the weeks following. For now, though, I'm just going to sit and appreciate all the friendships Papa has brought into my life with people who challenge me to grow, ask difficult questions, care about how I'm doing and who love Him. I thank him for the people He's been placing along the journey who have, whether they realized it or not, been used to teach me and grow me. Thank you all for an incredible summer. My love tank is feeling full!

If we haven't been able to touch base yet, there is still time. Send me a message! I'd love to connect!

Lora

How to say goodbye?

How do you say goodbye when it feels like you just said hello?

We were warned by veterans in the field that the final month would sneak up on us. They weren't lying. I remember writing a blog post about the last 90 days I spent in America. I remember writing about our first 100 days here. Now, I get to write about what I see for the last 19 days in this city (last 24 in this country). I'm not ready.

I've never liked goodbyes. If I had my way I'd never say goodbye, I'd just quietly go away so as to not have to see someone being sad. It's not that I'm never sad to leave places, for me it's just easier to avoid the tears. As a team we've been discussing goodbyes.

How do you say goodbye to students who you enjoy?

How do you say goodbye to the students who sleep, paint their nails or do their makeup during your class?

 How do you say goodbye to a team you've grown to love in spite of initial differences?

How do you say goodbye to the gracious people at the copy shop, the shops downstairs, the fruit and veggie stands, the nai cha couple? -- I only know how to say Zai chen (see you later), I don't know how to say, "Cat man, I appreciate your willingness to talk to me about your calico cat and to try finding her for me in the winter."

This week I am giving finals. It's neat to see how much some of the students have grown. I must trust that the seeds that were planted this year will grow and mature.

Goodbyes, I don't like you.

A "colorful" story from class

Inputting grades at the end of the semester. Found the story I've been meaning to share. How would you grade it? Assignment was to tell an interesting story using past tense verbs.

DISCLAIMER: I didn't teach the phrases or vocabulary used in the story.

The following story is the unedited, original version written by a freshmen college student.

Someday, there were some boys in the field playing football. They were laughing, running and shouting. While they were playing, a little girl was coming. She gave the freedom of a bird. Unfortunately, the bird didn’t seem like flying in the sky, but it liked flying over the boys' head. The little girl confused at that time. Why not fly away? Suddenly, the bird shitted joyfully and then flying far away. Still then, the girl nodded and said, "I see." touched One of the boys realized this thing, his hair and being angry, "Who did this horrible thing to me? How dare someone crap on me. I'll get him for this!!" And, Why me??

You never know what you'll be reading when you sit down to grade!

I'm going to miss these students.

Ever hearing, but never understanding ...

Does Father still use visions and give directives today? It seems like they happened all the time in the book of Acts. At that time people followed them. 

Maybe we just aren't listening.

This thought was posed during supper tonight has caused me to think about what it means to hear and follow the voice of the Spirit. Hang with me while I attempt to paint a picture of the context I'm coming from. 

Several days ago for lunch I decided to visit our campus’ version of Chick-fil-a. I always order the same thing, a chicken sandwich which I point to and attempt to say “chicken sandwich” (in Chinese) and I point to the potato smiles (they don’t have fries). In my limited understanding of their exuberant, yet condescending shouting of Chinese and dramatic pointing and gesturing, I believe they think I am quite strange for ordering this combination. 

Normally, a grandmother and her grown son run the shop (sometimes the little grandson is around too looking into the fryers at eye-level). However, the other day it was only the grandmother. She managed to communicate to me that the bill would need to be charged in two separate deductions (one for the sandwich: 9 yuan, one for the potato smiles: 5 yuan). Since apparently 14 yuan couldn’t be charged in one bill. (Don't waste your one 'why' question!)

Okay, I thought, that’s not a big deal.

--- As a side note, I don’t always eat Western food. It’s my treat as a pick-me-up on tough days. ---

Being her only customer of the morning (as I was ordering my meal before the lunchtime rush) one of the ladies, a dishwasher, walks into the little shop (it’s literally in the crevice underneath a stairwell). She begins to shout/yell Chinese at me (as if speaking louder helps me understand more … it doesn’t). Her hands are flying to-and-fro as she discusses something about me with the Chick-fil-a grandma. They keep pointing to me, my backpack and my shoes. I’m at a loss for Chinese words to tell them. All I can understand is I’m doing or have done something wrong or I’m dressed in a manner that doesn’t meet their standards or I …

I kept thinking, ‘Man, how long will it take for the oil to heat up so the chicken can cook. The light for the fryer doesn’t even look like it’s turned on. I feel awkward, ashamed, judged …. I’m wearing my winter coat, I have it completely zipped up (even though it’s technically above freezing at noon). I’m still wearing a pair of long-johns (but they can’t see them). Oh, and I’m wearing my cute dress socks (because sometimes you just need a pick-me-up when you’ve had a couple tough days) and my comfortable flats because after standing for 6 hours a day my legs hurt if I haven’t been wearing good shoes.’

I'm still not sure what they were trying to tell me that day. (I think maybe it had to deal with them thinking I didn’t have on warm enough shoes since they could see my socks). 

Why do I share this story and how does it connect to the question posed at the beginning of this post?

Well, I think the Spirit is speaking. And maybe, we are even hearing His voice. But, hearing alone doesn’t always cut it. I can hear Chinese all day long, but it doesn’t mean I understand what people are saying. Does this make me stupid? Well, sometimes I feel stupid and illiterate. But, I don’t believe I’m stupid. I simply haven’t learned the language to listen, speak, read and write it fluently. I can understand simple phrases and instructions, but if you add any details I'm lost.

So, how do we learn the language He speaks?

I believe learning a language requires:

A) Availability – I need to be available, willing and desiring to learn. A teacher can teach all day, but if the student doesn’t want to learn then they won’t learn.

B) Intimacy – I have to immerse myself in the presence of the language and thus the presence of the one speaking the language. This is often intimidating!

C) Willingness to take risks – To learn a language just for the sake of saying I’m bilingual doesn’t seem to serve a purpose unless I’m willing to use the language I learn. For Chinese, if I learn a new phrase such as, “You are a good cook” it’s important for me to share it with the person who’s a good cook as a word of encouragement. For communication with the Spirit, I think it’s important for it to be glorifying to Father and edifying to the Body. Using a new language is risky business, but necessary if we hope to improve in fluency.

“This is why I speak to them in parables: ‘Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah…’” – Matt. 13: 13-14a

I don’t claim to be fluent in other languages. But I wish to be. I want to hear and understand the words others share. 

I’m willing to embrace the difficulties of the journey ahead. Are you?